Unlocking the Power of Emotions
Permission to Feel: Unlocking the Power of Emotions to Help Our Kids, Ourselves, and Our Society Thrive is the groundbreaking book by Marc Brackett, Ph.D., founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and creator of the Mood Meter.
In a world that often tells us to suppress, ignore, or “get over” our feelings, Brackett makes a powerful case for the opposite: we need permission to feel. Drawing on decades of research, personal stories, and practical tools, he shows how developing emotional intelligence transforms the way we learn, lead, parent, and live.
This is the book that introduced the world to the RULER approach and laid the foundation for the Mood Meter—tools now used in thousands of schools and organizations worldwide.
Why We Need Permission to Feel
Most of us grew up learning that certain emotions were unacceptable. We were told to toughen up, stop crying, or put on a happy face. As a result, many people never developed the skills to recognize, understand, and work with their emotions effectively.
Brackett argues that this emotional suppression comes at a high cost. It affects our relationships, decision-making, mental health, and ability to thrive. Permission to Feel offers a different path: one where emotions are treated as valuable information rather than problems to be eliminated.
The book makes a clear and compelling case that emotional intelligence is not a soft skill—it is a critical life skill that can be taught and learned at any age.
Core Ideas from Permission to Feel
At the heart of the book is the RULER framework, an evidence-based approach to developing emotional intelligence:
- Recognizing emotions in ourselves and others
- Understanding the causes and consequences of emotions
- Labeling emotions with precision and accuracy
- Expressing emotions in ways that are appropriate and constructive
- Regulating emotions effectively to achieve our goals
Brackett weaves together scientific research, classroom examples, workplace insights, and personal stories to show how these five skills can be developed and applied in everyday life. He demonstrates that when individuals and communities build emotional intelligence, the benefits extend far beyond personal well-being—they improve learning, relationships, leadership, and overall quality of life.
How Permission to Feel Connects to the Mood Meter
One of the most practical and widely used tools introduced through Brackett’s work is the Mood Meter. This simple yet powerful visual tool helps people identify how they are feeling by mapping emotions across two dimensions: energy (high to low) and pleasantness (unpleasant to pleasant).
The Mood Meter divides emotional experience into four color-coded quadrants:
- Red – High energy, unpleasant (anger, anxiety, frustration)
- Blue – Low energy, unpleasant (sadness, fatigue, discouragement)
- Green – Low energy, pleasant (calm, contentment, relaxation)
- Yellow – High energy, pleasant (excitement, joy, enthusiasm)
Permission to Feel provides the deeper understanding and motivation behind tools like the Mood Meter. While the Mood Meter helps people check in with their emotions in the moment, the book explains why emotional awareness matters and how to build the full set of skills needed to use that awareness wisely.
What Readers Gain from the Book
Permission to Feel offers more than theory. Readers walk away with a new mindset and practical approaches for everyday life, including:
- How to give themselves and others genuine permission to experience the full range of emotions
- Ways to build emotional vocabulary and precision
- Strategies for creating emotionally intelligent homes, classrooms, and workplaces
- Insights into how emotional skills support learning, creativity, and resilience
- A deeper understanding of why emotional intelligence benefits individuals and society as a whole
The book is especially powerful for parents, educators, and leaders who want to model healthy emotional habits for the next generation.
Who Should Read Permission to Feel?
- Parents who want to raise emotionally intelligent children
- Educators and school leaders interested in social-emotional learning
- Managers and team leaders seeking better workplace culture and communication
- Anyone who has struggled with understanding or managing their emotions
- Readers looking for a research-based foundation in emotional intelligence
For those who want to go deeper specifically into the skill of emotion regulation, Brackett’s later book Dealing with Feeling builds directly on the foundation laid here.
Start Building Emotional Intelligence Today
Permission to Feel remains one of the most important and accessible books on emotional intelligence. It gives readers both the science and the permission they need to begin working with their emotions in a more skillful and compassionate way.
Pair the insights from the book with the Mood Meter tools available here on themoodmeter.com to put emotional awareness into daily practice. When we give ourselves and others permission to feel, we open the door to better relationships, clearer thinking, and a more fulfilling life.
Get Mark Brackett’s Book
Permission to Feel – Unlocking the power of emotions to help our kids, ourselves, and our society thrive. From the creator of the Mood Meter.
Practical Strategies You Can Start Using Today
While the full set of tools lives in the book, here are representative approaches aligned with Mood Meter practice:
- Check in first. Plot your current state on the Mood Meter. Name the feeling with precision.
- Quiet the body. When in the red or high-intensity zones, use slow breathing, movement, or brief physical resets to bring the nervous system down so clearer thinking becomes possible.
- Reframe with intention. Ask what the emotion is telling you and what response would serve your longer-term goals.
- Leverage relationships. Share the feeling with a trusted person or help someone else regulate (co-regulation is a major theme).
- Support the foundation. Prioritize sleep, nutrition, and movement—the physiological base that makes emotional skills easier to access.
These steps turn abstract awareness into daily practice. Over time they become automatic, exactly as Brackett intends.
Who Should Read Dealing with Feeling?
- Parents and caregivers who want to raise emotionally intelligent children
- Educators and school leaders already using (or exploring) RULER and the Mood Meter
- Managers and team leads seeking better workplace culture and decision-making
- Anyone who feels stuck in reactive patterns and wants evidence-based tools instead of generic advice
The book complements Permission to Feel (which introduced the full RULER skills) by going deeper on regulation—the skill most people find hardest and most transformative.
Start Building Emotional Skills Today
The Mood Meter gives you a clear map of your emotional landscape. Dealing with Feeling gives you the navigation skills to use that map wisely. Together they support the same goal Brackett has pursued for more than 25 years: helping people of all ages use their emotions to create the lives they want.
Explore Mood Meter posters, digital tools, and classroom resources right here on themoodmeter.com. Then pick up Dealing with Feeling to take the next step in your emotion regulation practice. The skills are learnable, the research is solid, and the benefits compound across every area of life.
When we stop fighting our feelings and start working with them, everything changes.